Category: Parents Zone

Reconsidering Giving Up Seats

Reconsidering Giving Up Seats

Shirley Loo: Reconsidering giving up seats

I’ve always known that giving up one’s seat is a virtue.

But at this age, when I see people entering the subway car, most are looking at their phones. If I am fortunate enough to have a seat, would I give it up? To be honest, if I see someone younger than me, I would continue to sit comfortably. However, if I see an elderly person, with a mask, white hair, and unsteady steps, of course, I would give up my seat immediately.

The big prerequisite for giving up a seat, though, is that our eyes can’t be glued to our phones. Otherwise, we’ll miss these ‘opportunities’ right in front of us, right?

As for being offered a seat, I have never had that experience so far. Probably because I dye my hair and move about freely, although I am close to being elderly, I still appear to be in the ‘no need to give up a seat’ category.

A friend asked me, if someone really stood up to offer me their seat, would I sit down? Honestly, no. Unless my hands are full and I’m extremely tired, I still feel that ‘if you can stand, stand.’ This is probably the dignity and persistence of a middle-aged woman.

This is your mother’s reflection on the issue of giving up one’s seat. Because I am in such an awkward position between ‘to offer or not to offer’ and ‘to sit or not to sit.’

Until you were pregnant and I called to ask how your subway commute to work was going every day. You always said, ‘No one gives up their seat’ (especially on the Kowloon line). Those men in suits always keep their heads down, looking at their phones, indifferent to those around them, even as your belly gets bigger and bigger, the number of people giving up their seats is pitifully small, if any at all.

Facing such an indifferent city where only phones are seen and not neighbors, my heart is not at ease. So I can only pray for your safety every day, hoping that someone will be kind enough to let you ‘sit comfortably’ for a while. Secondly, it also makes me deeply reflect on the topic of parent-child education, on how to encourage parents to teach their children the virtue of giving up seats (since many parents nowadays tend to ‘hog seats’ for their young and strong children).

This profound lesson will probably also make you understand what to do when you see a pregnant woman in the future!

Ho Ying : The virtue of giving up one’s seat

Since I was young, I knew that we should give up our seats to those in need. Since 2009, “priority seats” have appeared on various modes of transportation in Hong Kong, and I thought this tradition would continue. When I first found out I was pregnant, I also said to a friend who was about to give birth, “On the subway, people should give up their seats for you, right?” Her response surprised me: “How could that be? From the time I got pregnant until now, I take the subway to and from work every day, and the number of times someone has given up their seat for me can be counted on one hand.” Besides her, many friends have shared their experiences with me, telling me not to expect anyone to give up their seat.

How could this be? Isn’t giving up seats something we’ve learned since childhood? At first, I didn’t quite believe it. But over the past few months, as my belly has grown day by day, I thought there would be more and more chances for people to give up their seats. Unexpectedly, I still had to fight for a seat myself. Every time I enter the carriage, what I see is rows of “heads-down tribe,” either looking at their phones or fast asleep. Occasionally someone would look up to see which station we had arrived at, but even if they saw someone in need, they would quickly turn their heads back to their phones, pretending not to see.

Friends always ask, “Did you go to the priority seat? Those people should be more likely to give up their seats, right?” From my experience, most people sitting in priority seats think they have a need to sit down and won’t think of giving up their seats. Passengers sitting in other seats always feel that there are priority seats to take care of those in need, so they don’t think of giving up their seats either.

Some friends suggested, “Then you should wear tighter clothes and touch your belly so that others can see it!” I’ve tried this too, but people just look at me with puzzled eyes and then look down at their phones.

Gradually, I’ve found that the people who usually give up their seats are mothers with children, as they have also gone through the stage of pregnancy. If I enter a carriage filled with working men one day, the chances of someone giving up their seat greatly decrease.

If we want to change the ethos of the entire city, we can only teach this virtue to our children by setting an example, so that love and warmth can reappear in the next generation.

How to deal with a bad temper?

How to deal with a bad temper?

Firstly, we must understand that it is extremely important for children to be able to express the emotion of anger for their development of autonomy. During early childhood (around two to three years old), the developmental crisis is precisely ‘development of autonomy’ versus ‘shame and doubt’ (Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt). What we should address is the behavior resulting from the child’s emotions, not to prohibit or even negate the child’s emotions.

 

Additionally, anger is a common emotion, experienced by both children and parents. When children attempt to express their anger, they often model their parents’ behavior. If parents display anger towards their children, or if there is arguing between parents, children will use these behaviors as important references for developing and controlling their emotions (Bandura, 1977). Arguments between parents, malicious teasing, or even violence can heighten children’s sensitivity to anger and disrupt their normal development (Cummings, Pellegrini, Notarius, & Cummings, 1989). Therefore, for children to have a good temperament, parents must first pay attention to their own ways of interacting.”

What methods can help young children better control and reduce the intensity of their anger? Berkowitz and Thompson offer the following suggestions (Berkowitz, 1973; Thompson, 1990):

  1. Ignoring offensive behaviors: If the behavior is aimed at obtaining a specific object (such as a toy), parents should not satisfy the child due to their behavior, nor should they punish them for it; simply not responding may suffice.
  2. Use of a ‘calm down corner’: Set up a quiet area in the home, free from any stimuli or attractions, as a space for children to calm down. When a child has an emotional outburst or behaves inappropriately, they can be sent to this calm down corner. This isn’t necessarily a form of reprimand but a way to allow the child’s emotions to settle, similar to the need to use the restroom; it’s a normal requirement. If used appropriately, when children feel emotional in the future, they might naturally go to the calm down corner to soothe themselves.
  3. Evoking emotions incompatible with anger, especially empathy for the victim.
  4. Reducing exposure to situations or objects that may trigger the child’s anger: Before children have fully developed self-control, reducing opportunities for anger also means reducing conflicts between parents and children.
  5. Explaining the consequences of their behavior.
  6. Examining the causes of the angry emotions.

(Development Through Life, Barbara M. Newman, Philip R. Newman, Wadsworth, 2003, pp. 197)

The above strategies can be tailored to different situations. For instance, if a child acts violently out of anger, parents can focus on explaining the consequences and evoking empathy for the victim. If a child is throwing a tantrum to obtain an object, parents can ignore their negative behavior. Additionally, these strategies can be combined; for example, after a child has calmed down in the calm down corner, parents can explain the consequences of their actions. Ultimately, the choice of strategy should depend on the child’s capabilities; for example, explaining the consequences in detail to a child who cannot yet speak might only increase conflict.

Once parents have decided on a strategy for each situation, the most important aspect is consistency. Simply put, consistency can be divided into two aspects: firstly, the same behavior should always result in the same outcome, avoiding a situation where ignoring is used one time and scolding another, which can confuse the child. Secondly, every caregiver should use the same approach to reinforce the message that “this behavior is inappropriate.”

Children eating leftovers, the cost for Dad to cover is high

Children eating leftovers, the cost for Dad to cover is high

Written by : Octopus Parent, Leung Wing Lok

Legendary parenting KOL Mrs Mak (i.e., McDull’s mom) once said: “There was a child who told a big lie, and the next day, he died…” Teaching children about consequences and costs is an unavoidable responsibility for parents. Thus, yesterday, my little daughter Yin and I had the following conversation at the dinner table:

Yin: I’m leaving half of my meal, please, dad, cover for me.

Dad: What attitude is that, always expecting me to cover for you, do you know the cost is significant for me?

Yin: What cost?

Dad: The cost means consequences (answering randomly), the cost of eating too much is getting fat.

Yin: But you are already very fat. (Instant kill)

Dad: There’s also a cost for leaving your food; I will take away your candies, let’s see if you dare to leave your food again. (Embarrassed and angry)

Yin: Woo… I don’t get fat from eating candies, but you’re still very fat without eating them.

Dad: I’m getting fat because I always have to cover for you guys. (The more he answers, the sadder he gets)

Taking away candies for leaving food, otherwise, dad, the king of covering, will only get fatter. Since the birth of my son, Hope, my weight has increased by more than 30%, so I must immediately stop the children from casually leaving their food, or else fat dad will have to pay a heavy “weighty” price.

In fact, the garbage we discard every day also comes at a cost to Hong Kong’s environment. I’m not talking about the consequences of littering fines of $1500 or the like, but in the past thirty years, while Hong Kong’s population has grown by only 30%, the total amount of municipal solid waste has increased by nearly 84%, far outpacing the overall growth. This is because everyone thinks there is no cost to throwing away trash, but in reality, the process of waste disposal not only occupies precious land (which Hong Kong people feel most ‘painfully’), but also consumes a lot of manpower and resources… These ‘costs’ are something that Hong Kong people have not thought about bearing in the past, but many Asian cities including Seoul and Taipei have implemented solid waste charging for many years with success. Why can’t the citizens of Hong Kong bear this together?

After a long-winded explanation to my little daughter Yin… “Dad, with all the nonsense you talk on a daily basis, can I charge you a fee to help you reduce waste and bear the burden together?”

How to effectively reward children?

How to effectively reward children?

Written by : Pario Children, Parenting Education Centre

Childhood and family have a profound impact on a person. How do parents influence their children’s growth? How to cultivate good behavior and character in children? Is it correct and effective to use rewards and encouragement?

 

Do not turn love for your child into a reward

It is often heard that parents say, “If you behave, daddy will shower you with love.” Parents think this is providing positive reinforcement, encouraging positive behavior in children, but shouldn’t the companionship of mom and the affection of dad be unconditional? Love and affection should not be contingent on being well-behaved! A child’s self-worth should not be equated with their behavior or achievements.

 

Do not turn existing habits into rewards

Some parents might say: “If you behave, we will go to the park on Sunday!” When the child behaves in a “naughty” manner, parents cancel the child’s original plan to play in the park, letting the child learn to bear the consequences. Although this is one of the parenting methods, if the child originally has the habit of going to the park every day, and the parents use “going to the park” as a reward, is this really a reward? This is just continuing the daily routine! Of course, if the child does not usually have the opportunity to go to the park, this reward would be very attractive to a child who naturally loves to play!

Clearly explain rewards and good behavior

Rewards are necessary! But parents must carefully design or choose them, and the most ideal rewards are those that can attract children and are different from the daily routine. For example: going to the park for only 30 minutes every day, but today they can play for an extra 15 minutes; eating only one type of cookie for a snack every day, but today they can have two types. When rewarding, parents should clearly tell the child the reason for the reward, “Because you ‘put away your toys on your own’, mom and dad really appreciate you, so today you get ‘an extra cookie'”, letting the child concretely understand what good behavior is, and also understand the relationship between good behavior and rewards, giving them the motivation to continue displaying good behavior.



Provide unlimited support and encouragement

Children often need the support and encouragement of adults to have enough security and courage to try; sometimes, parents give a lot of encouragement, but the child still does not dare to try as expected, and sometimes parents will blurt out in disappointment: “I’ve held you for so long and you still won’t try, so I won’t hold you or kiss you!” What comes next is the child crying louder and being even more unwilling to try; even if the child is forced to complete the task, there is an additional emotional scar. Therefore, parents should give children unlimited support and encouragement, telling them: “Mommy has confidence in you, try again next time, you can do it!” Believe that when children have stored enough energy from encouragement, they will step forward.



Perhaps, in the process of parenting, parents neither want to be tiger parents nor can they avoid the competition in society, sometimes they may feel lost, but remember to respect the child’s innate traits, and let your appreciation and encouragement accompany their growth.

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A story that enlightens ‘monster parents’ in 5 minutes’

A story that enlightens 'monster parents' in 5 minutes'

Written by: Mr. Chiu Wing Tak, a senior education expert and honorary advisor to the Association of Careers Masters and Guidance Masters

If you ask me, in the decades of teaching experience, what are the most unforgettable moments, I would unhesitatingly answer the stories that enlighten people. Why am I so attracted to enlightening moments? Because enlightenment is a form of “higher-level education,” and as someone who deeply loves education, these moments are particularly memorable.

Below is a story of how I enlightened a “monster parent.” Why did this parent become a monster? Because he “pulled out all the stops” to make his son win awards! And I “woke him up” in just 5 minutes!

The “monster parent” was a professional who had very high expectations for his son, demanding that his son win the Best All-Round Student award at school every year. His son had been attending the school where I taught and had already won the all-round award for his grade level for two consecutive years. In the third year, he and his son continued to work hard, hoping to achieve a “hat trick” by winning for three consecutive years!

The student and his father were well aware of the areas the school emphasized, so they focused all their efforts on those key areas. However, that year, an unexpected change occurred when the school increased the weighting of certain subjects’ scores. As a result of this change, the student ended up in second place. Upon learning that he would not be first, both the student and his father were furious. The father did not hesitate to call and vehemently protest to the Brother Principal. The kind-hearted Brother Principal was bothered by the parent for two days straight, and finally passed the matter to me, saying, “Peter, this parent has been talking to me on the phone for half an hour every day, insisting that I promote his son to first place, which has completely prevented me from dealing with other school matters. Please help me out; I’ll give you the parent’s phone number.”

Tactfully persuade to understand the need to face failure early

After understanding the ins and outs of the matter, I immediately called the parent. I understand that this parent loves his son very much, so he started by saying, “Mr. T, I know you love your son dearly, and your son is also doing very well in academics and extracurricular activities.”

The parent responded, “Exactly!”

“Your son has already won the all-around award in both the first and second years of middle school, so it’s only natural that you would want him to win it again in his third year. But…” I paused here. “A person cannot always succeed without failing. Since failure is inevitable sooner or later, Mr. T, would you prefer your son to face failure sooner rather than later?”

The parent, being a person who “gets to the point,” immediately said, “Are you suggesting I should stop pursuing this matter?”

“Not at all, I just want you to consider what’s best for your son, to let him experience minor failures early on. This way, when he faces major failures in the future, he will naturally know how to handle them!”

After some thought, the parent replied, “I understand Mr. Zhao’s point. I won’t pursue it further, thank you for your explanation!”

How did I make the parent see the reason? The answer is: I helped him break free from his fixation. What was his fixation? He was fixated on an unbreakable belief – that a good parent must do everything within their power to ensure their child’s success. From his perspective, I appreciated his efforts, but also gently told him that helping his son accept failure early could also be the mark of a good parent. Being a wise person, he understood the implied message that not allowing his son to face setbacks early could lead to worse pain later. Thus, he suddenly saw the light and accepted my advice.

Organic food = nutritious?

Organic food = nutritious?

Written by: Registered Dietitian (Public Health) (UK) Phoebe Wu

Many families choose to consume organic foods such as fruits, vegetables, and eggs. When asked why they choose organic foods, most people respond: “Because organic food is safer and more nutritious.” In this issue, I will teach what organic farming is.

What is organic farming?

Organic farming refers to agricultural activities conducted using agricultural, biological, or mechanical methods instead of synthetic substances made by humans. It does not use chemical fertilizers, pesticides, or genetically modified crops, but rather utilizes local natural resources and adheres to the natural ecological order. The scope of consideration is very broad, for example: there must be a buffer zone of at least 2 meters between the organic production area of a farm and the non-organic areas to prevent contamination of the crops.

 

Crop and variety selection and diversity

  • Seeds or vegetative propagating organs used for organic cultivation must be organically certified.
  • Farms must implement crop rotation and intercropping and should diversify as much as possible to avoid monoculture.

 

Nutrient Management

  • Fertilization must be done in appropriate amounts to prevent nutrient excess and environmental pollution.
  • The fertilizers used on the farm should be harmless to the ecological environment in terms of their source, quality, application rate, and method of application.
  • Fallowing should be practiced to allow the land to recover its fertility.
  • The use of chemically synthesized fertilizers, human excreta, sewage sludge, and chemical waste is prohibited.

 

Management of diseases, pests, and weeds, as well as crop growth

  • Implement appropriate fertilization and irrigation management.
  • Use physical methods, including manual labor, fencing, light, sound frequency, heat, etc.
  • Plant crops that have pest control functions (including repelling pests and attracting natural enemies).
  • The use of chemically synthesized herbicides, fungicides, insecticides, and other pesticides is prohibited.

 

Hence, organic farming focuses more on ecological protection during the cultivation process. However, in terms of nutritional value, the difference between organic and non-organic food is actually not significant. Moreover, there is no evidence to suggest that children who eat organic food are healthier or smarter. Of course, since organic food is more environmentally friendly and uses fewer chemical pesticides, I also encourage everyone to purchase more of it.

Conventional Farming vs. Organic Farming

 

Conventional Farming

Organic Farming

Safety

  • More commonly uses chemical pesticides and fertilizers.
  • Fewer chemical pesticides.
  • Focuses on the ecological environment.
  • Uses non-genetically modified materials.

Nutrition

  • No significant difference

Health

  • Similarly, attention should be paid to the principles of a healthy diet low in fat, sugar, and salt.

For a cowardly child

For a cowardly child

Written by: Mr. Leung Wing Lok, the Octopus Parent

Earlier during the summer vacation, I let my child participate in various extracurricular activities. My eldest son, Hei Gor, and his kindergarten classmates took part in an outdoor activity venue located in Tai Po called “Tree House,” which has grasslands, farmlands, fish ponds, and more, allowing them to get close to nature. The highlight of the activity was climbing up to the 5-meter-high treehouse. Hei Gor, known for his timidity, would get weak in the knees and sweaty hands even when standing by the glass railings in shopping malls. Standing at a height of 5 meters, he said, “Oh… I thought there would be stairs to go down from the treehouse…”

Hei Gor was afraid to descend from the treehouse and was ‘mocked’ by the coach

Under the guidance of the coach, parents helped their children put on climbing safety gear, ready to climb up to the treehouse. As the parents climbed following the coach’s instructions, the children felt reassured seeing their parents demonstrate and followed suit. After Hei Gor climbed up to the treehouse with step-by-step guidance from the coach, he began to regret it, not knowing how to get back to the ground. Having to hug the metal pole and ‘play firefighter’ to slide down (although he was suspended by a safety rope) was a huge challenge for him. No matter how I coaxed and instructed him, and regardless of how the parents and classmates on the ground cheered him on, Hei Gor just braced his feet against the tree trunk and refused to approach the metal pole.

The coach let the other children land first, one by one. Some were playing with smiles on their faces, some were crying out of fear, but all landed safely. Only Hei Gor was resolute in his refusal. The loving coach kept coaxing Hei Gor in his unique way, saying, “You are 100% emotional, be a little rational, and don’t be scared.” Hei Gor said, “No!” The coach suggested, “How about the parents below… (I thought he said: applaud to encourage him) How about raising money together to buy a refrigerator and air conditioner for Hei Gor to spend the night in the tree house.” After hearing this, Hei Gor cried out even louder, “I don’t want to spend the night here.” I thought to myself, “Education is a sacred and solemn task. If you don’t know how to teach, you’re in big trouble.”

Overcoming Fear, Parents Feel Relieved

The coach continued to Hei Gor, “You see, your aunt is heavier than you, and she landed safely. It’s okay.” Hei Gor laughed through his tears, “Dad is the fattest and heaviest!” At that moment, I wanted to jump down from the tree house. Despite several attempts, the coach talked about politics, Wong Tze Wah, the property market, and songs by Danny Chan, to which Hei Gor said, “I don’t know what brother is talking about.” When all the children had gone up and down once, and some had started their second round, Hei Gor and I were still enduring the high temperature for over half an hour, “watching”. In the end, I lied that his brother would slide down with him, and let him buckle the safety belt, Hei Gor held the iron pole and slowly descended. The process and landing naturally involved continuous crying, and the first thing he did when he landed was to hug his mother.

Hei Gor took a rest and suddenly said to me, “I was really scared.” I took him back under the tree and said, “You climbed up to the tree house all by yourself just now, which is very high, and you did a great job. Although it took some time to come down, you have succeeded no matter what, and there’s no need to be afraid anymore. Would you like to climb it again next time?” Hei Gor replied, “Yes, I want to!”

Hei Gor, you are timid, but your courage to overcome your fear of heights certainly makes your parents relieved. However, it is your overcoming of fear and expressing the hope to climb up again next time that makes me proud. (Although you might cry and make a fuss again next time).

Can children be naughty？

Can children be naughty？

Written by: Fung Ji Hei, Game Therapist

When Ji Fung, a first-grader, didn’t return from the restroom after a while, the teacher sent the male class leader to check on him. After a while, the class leader came back panting, saying, “The entire restroom is soaked!” So, the teacher went to investigate personally. Upon arriving at the restroom, the teacher saw a flood, with water and bubbles everywhere, and Ji Fung was “washing his hands” in one of the sinks. The teacher asked, “What are you doing?” He replied, “Washing my hands and seeing why there are bubbles.” To prevent any danger, the teacher stopped Ji Fung’s actions.

Ji Fung is a very curious child, but his curiosity often causes inconvenience for others and himself. He likes to question everything and even more, he likes to try everything. Once, in order to see if he could fit through the hole in the back of a chair, he got his head stuck in it for about an hour. It was only after a worker used tools to break the chair that he was able to free himself. Despite his numerous terrifying experiences, nothing has deterred him yet. The teachers are at a loss because Ji Fung is not a bad student. Punishment alone is futile, so they need to think of other solutions.

“Naughty”: A Multi-faceted View

Describing Ji Fung as “naughty” is perhaps the most fitting, and this trait is quite common among children, albeit to varying degrees. What is “naughtiness”? We often associate it with words like “mischievous” or “playful,” which mostly carry a negative connotation. However, from a positive perspective, naughtiness can have many benefits. First, it’s not hard to see that naughty children love to play; they are motivated to play at all times, and these motivations often stem from their curiosity. They satisfy their curious thoughts through different methods, sometimes disregarding consequences and limitations to personally try and explore solutions to puzzles. Secondly, most “naughty” children are somewhat clever and know how to play better than others, so they use various ways to express their creativity, coming up with ingenious methods to play. In summary, “naughtiness” can be seen as a mix of curiosity and creativity, only becoming problematic when it is not properly controlled and leads to trouble.

What can you do if you have a “naughty” child around?

 

Relax

Naughty children can easily make their caregivers nervous because they often do unexpected things, sometimes even causing embarrassment. We need to understand that naughtiness is one of the children’s natural traits, and they are in the process of learning. We need to patiently keep pace with their growth, avoiding suppressing their development for the sake of our own pride.

Set Boundaries

Naughty children often cross boundaries due to a lack of understanding of them. We can set rules with them and implement them effectively. This not only ensures the children’s safety but also establishes their understanding of limits.

 

Satisfy Curiosity

To address the issue at its root, we need to satisfy their curiosity. The method is to teach them how to think and find answers. For example, parents can teach them to find answers through reading or take them to nature to train their observational skills, which can help them face future challenges.

Autism is no longer a secret

Autism is no longer a secret

Written by: The Educational Psychologist Team of the Heep Hong Society

For parents, explaining their child’s autism to others can feel like reopening a wound. They fear not only the lack of support from friends and family, but also the potential for misunderstanding or discrimination. So, how should parents approach this with their relatives and friends?

Understanding the causes of autism is crucial.

When explaining to friends and family, parents must first clarify that the cause of autism is not related to parental neglect or overindulgence. Autism is associated with abnormal brain development, which affects the child’s communication skills, thinking and behavior patterns, as well as their ability to understand the thoughts and actions of others. Parents can list the common characteristics of most children with autism, including social difficulties, stubbornness, anxiety, communication difficulties, focus ability, varying levels of activity, atypical emotional responses, physical coordination problems, and different sensory responses.

Stay Updated with the Latest Information

In addition, parents can try to stay updated with the latest information on autism, such as concepts like “executive function”, “central integration”, and “theory of mind”. This can help them better understand their child’s developmental needs. When relatives and friends show interest in learning more, parents can explain these concepts in depth. The more parents understand about autism, the easier it is for relatives and friends to get to know the child. Perhaps the usual discriminatory views will gradually disappear as they understand more. The knowledge parents equip themselves with can make relatives and friends feel the parents’ positivity and capability.

Describe the Child’s Performance with Specific Adjectives

Furthermore, when parents describe their child, they should use specific and positive adjectives. For example, describe the child as having strong memory (instead of “good at forgetting”), weak focus (instead of “distracted”), unable to understand others’ demands (instead of “disobedient, dragging”), repeating the same actions (instead of “he/she must…”), or nodding to the beat (instead of “likes music”) and other abstract adjectives. Let relatives and friends understand that, like other children, their child is an innocent little friend.

However, explanations are just explanations. When parents face their child’s ever-changing behaviors, they may prefer to remove the child (or even themselves) from sensitive situations to reduce the disturbance to relatives and friends. But this also reduces the child’s opportunities to adapt to society. Instead, parents can actively guide relatives and friends to interact with the child in appropriate ways. For example, they can positively say, “You can speak a little slower”, “The child is very sensitive to sound, let’s speak a little quieter”, or “I’m sorry, can I know the schedule first to prepare my child?” If relatives and friends can do this, it’s already a step towards success.

The perspectives of relatives and friends need to be broadened. However, the most important thing is that parents need to maintain an open and accepting attitude, setting an example for relatives and friends. If the parents themselves accept autism, who else can say “I don’t accept it”?